Creature




You would love the girl i used to be

She was so much kinder and wiser than me

But Somewhere along the way she was shot in the heart


And it sprung from the carcass; something dark and wrought 


So I sit in the desolate mess of my fear


Riddled with riddles i'm afraid to go near


Like why I stopped striving for things that I want


Or why my nights have been stolen by ghosts who dare haunt


Every corner of cobwebs and decay in my mind


If these riddles have answers they’re beyond me to find


The girl before me was so easy to please


Give her purpose and worth and she was at ease


But the creature she left is a gaping wide hole


Needlessly needy in search of a soul 


Taking and taking and never satisfied


I hate this creature and wish it could die 


But it’s latched to my body my mind and my soul


Infesting my joy with doubt ill be ever whole


Where do we end, this creature and me?


Do we begin and will we unbe? 


As I sit in shadow of the valley of doubt


I fear incompletion and wonder about


The future before me, that long winding road


Who will walk there behind me when this creature’s grown old


I do not know her, the me yet to come


But I pray I will love her and she will walk in the sun


Fortified by struggle and strengthened with joy


May she will with a passion I used to enjoy


May she run for the pleasure of meeting her goals


May she always grow better but never grow old


May she be born in the death of this creature and me


Rise from the ashes and find the glory to be


Everything I was and even more than her


May she be better than we ever we

Comments

  1. Rina ShamilovFebruary 21, 2022 at 6:40 PM

    i appreciate how sing-songy this is. your poems have a general theme of appearing light and innocent from the tone while conveying such a dark message. this is an interesting read, and i love the language you use throughout

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  2. Liana HanokaeeFebruary 25, 2022 at 1:12 PM

    My favorite part of the poem was the ending! It was fun to read. It reminded me of Dr. Seuss haha. I think this is a writing that every girl can relate to, so I would call it a unifying piece. I like the vulnerability. I liked this line in specific, "May she always grow better but never grow old". I thought that was clever! I think there is a lot of thick emotions in here, which is great. I would take out the words, "sadness" and "despair", and do more showing than telling. The poem is pretty general. If you wanted to make a more precise point, I think you definitely can. If there was something in specific that happened that you would not mind sharing in this poem I think it could make this poem even more better unless the point was to be more general. Good job girl!

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  3. Professor MillerMarch 1, 2022 at 10:00 PM

    This poem reminds me of the poetry of Dorothy Parker--the insistent rhythms, the rhyme scheme, the self-deprecation and vulnerability. I like propulsive sense of the rhymes in the middle part. They feel like they came easily. If you want a suggestion for improvement, I recommend trying to avoid words that belong to different time periods and try to write with the language of our present world. I mean, most of the poem is already this way, but there are a couple of moments like the rhyme with "wrought" that seem like from a different era.

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